There’s one thing that’s universal across cultures, languages and borders. Breakups are rough.
It can feel like the world is ending when it’s time to say goodbye to someone you thought would be in your life forever. You’ve shared secrets and laughs. You may even have mutual friends, which only adds another layer of discomfort to an already trying time.
But know this: You will get over this.
And what’s more, you will open your heart and love again. Because it really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
But that advice probably doesn’t mean much to you in this moment, and that’s completely understandable. In this moment, you want to scream, cry and grieve. Those are natural responses to heartbreak, and it can even be healthy as long as you know when it’s time to move forward.
Sadness and anger can have a quicksand effect that will only pull you deeper the longer you stay there.
Instead, take action to try to motivate yourself after this breakup. Here are a few things you can try.
Listening to love songs after a bad breakup should fall into the category of cruel and unusual punishment. But when you’ve just ended a relationship, that seems to be all you hear.
Don’t fall victim to this post-breakup trap. Instead, curate a playlist of songs that make you feel good. Depending on where you are in your breakup recovery, you may choose songs that are angry or uplifting. But don’t focus on love just yet. And if you need ideas, search “breakup playlists” on Spotify or Pandora. You should find some good ideas there.
Listen to this playlist in the car, shower or wherever you listen to music. The goal is to control the overall sentiment during this emotional time. With your own playlist, you won’t risk being ambushed by your ex’s favorite song.
If you lost contact with people during your relationship, now is a great time to reconnect. During this time, you’ll rely heavily on the people in your inner circle for emotional support. And you may find yourself reconnecting with your single friends in ways you haven’t in a long time. This new single life may even make you feel young and vital again, which is important for your self-esteem.
Whether you’re after a revenge bod or a midlife-crisis convertible, think about how you can upgrade your life. Just be sure these things will actually make you feel good. Things like losing weight or getting a new haircut are great because they are likely to help you feel like a new person — in a good way.
That’s why so many people change their hair color or chop their hair off after a breakup. It’s a tangible cue that signals your new chapter in life. And this technique works.
At this time, it’s all about the upgrade. Avoid making any changes that could be considered a downgrade to your physical or emotional health. Such things may include overspending (retail therapy), drinking too much alcohol or risk-taking behavior.
Now that you’re single again, you probably have more time on your hands. Use it wisely.
Start by thinking of where you want to be in three months. How cool would it be if you could play guitar or speak a new language?
Think of it as much-needed “me time.” Not only will you be adding to your skills, but you’ll have some fun in the process. And let’s face it, it’s much better than spending hours stalking your ex’s social profiles.
Jumping from one relationship to the next could be considered emotional suicide, but that doesn’t mean you need to lock yourself away for the next few months. In this post-breakup time, start thinking about what characteristics you want to see in your next partner.
Pay particular attention to the characteristics that your ex lacked. No one is perfect, right?
But as we’re looking on the bright side, you’ll soon have the opportunity to get everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner. The sky’s the limit. You’ll still miss the good times with your ex, but there’s no sense in dwelling in the past.
As you’re future focused, get out there and have some fun. Get out there and meet people, but don’t take yourself too seriously. This isn’t about finding a forever connection. It’s just about getting out of your funk. So go ahead and make the first move. What have you got to lose?
Nothing is going to make this breakup magically easy. And you should probably avoid anything that promises to do so. But it’s not all doom and gloom. There are things you can do to expedite your healing process. Follow these tips to help get motivated to move forward after a bad breakup. After a while, your ex will be the last thought on your mind.