Teaching children to stand up for others is one of the most valuable gifts we can give them as parents and foster carers. When we nurture empathy and courage in young people, we’re helping to build a more compassionate society whilst developing their own character and confidence.

Start with Your Own Example

Children learn far more from what they observe than what they’re told. When you witness unfairness in your daily life—whether it’s someone being rude to a shop assistant or a friend sharing hurtful gossip—let your children see you taking a stand. This might mean speaking up politely but firmly, or simply choosing not to participate in negative behaviour. Your actions become their blueprint for how to respond when they encounter similar situations.

Build Emotional Intelligence Early

Before children can effectively stand up for others, they need to understand emotions—both their own and those of people around them. Help your child identify feelings by naming emotions as they arise: “I can see you’re frustrated that your friend was left out” or “You look worried about what happened at school today.” This emotional vocabulary becomes crucial when they’re trying to recognise when someone needs support.

Reading stories together provides excellent opportunities to discuss characters’ feelings and motivations. Ask questions like “How do you think she felt when that happened?” or “What could we do to help in that situation?”

Teach Practical Strategies

Standing up for others doesn’t always mean confronting bullies directly—in fact, this can sometimes make situations worse. Help your child understand the different ways they can help. They might include someone who’s being left out in their game, tell a trusted adult about concerning behaviour, or simply be a friend to someone who’s having a difficult time.

Role-playing different scenarios at home can build confidence. Practice what to say when they see someone being teased, or how to get help when a situation feels too big to handle alone. Remember that for many children, especially foster children who may have experienced trauma, speaking up can feel particularly challenging, so patience and encouragement are essential.

Create a Safe Space for Discussion

Regularly check in with your children about their social experiences. Create an atmosphere where they feel comfortable sharing concerns without fear of judgement. If they tell you about witnessing unfairness or cruelty, listen carefully and validate their feelings before jumping into problem-solving mode.

For foster children particularly, these conversations can help them process past experiences whilst building confidence for future situations. Their unique perspectives on adversity can actually become a strength in helping others. If this has you thinking about becoming a foster parent, contact your local fostering agency to see what’s involved.

Celebrate Small Acts of Kindness

When your child shows kindness or stands up for someone, acknowledge it specifically. Rather than just saying “well done,” explain exactly what they did well: “I was proud of how you invited Steven to sit with you when he looked lonely.” This reinforces the behaviour and helps them understand the impact of their actions.

Remember that raising children who stand up for others is a gradual process. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s perfectly normal. By consistently modelling empathy, providing practical tools, and creating supportive environments, we’re giving all children—whether they’re with us temporarily or permanently—the foundation they need to become compassionate, confident advocates for others.